


The best way to heal is to accept that you're hurt

by Minkey222



Series: Peter Parker is young, dumb and reckless (and also in constant pain) [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Reconciliation, References to Depression, abuse of brackets, finally some talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minkey222/pseuds/Minkey222
Summary: “What the fuck do you want from me, Flash?”Peter’s chest deflated and surprisingly so does Flash’s.He shakes his head.“Fuck, I’m- Peni- Pete- Parker” He stumbled for a second over his words and then settles for “Parker,”.Peter keeps looking at him.“What happened?” Flash blurts out, Peter just stares at him.“I mean- something happened, you were gone for weeks. After you left that class you basically just dropped off the face of the earth and now you’re back and something definitely happened,”Peter can’t do much else and just stand there as he rambles on,“What’s it to you?”





	The best way to heal is to accept that you're hurt

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back. Endgame killed me. Have some semi-fluff. 
> 
> I'm so close to being finished with this series. I'm shook that I'm actually gonna finish it. I have exams over the next month but then I'm scot-free to finish the final chapter of this story. Can't promise when but... I can promise that I'll finish what I started. 
> 
> Please comment because maybe then I'll finish it. <3
> 
> Much love. Enjoy

Two weeks later and Peter was back at school (It would have been just one week but Tony had insisted that he take the time to heal (Indulge his weaknesses (shut up shut up shut up-)) and Peter was shitting himself. Fighting Captain America was one thing but walking up those steps into that busy building- Peter wanted to turn tail and run. Sure, he wanted to go back, even begged Tony to let him go back earlier but now that he was faced with the clinical, intimidating facade Peter wasn’t so sure if he was ready anymore.

 

One of the main things was that Peter had no clue what people knew and what they didn’t know (to be honest he had just dropped off the grid the day that he- that he left and hadn’t really touched his phone since (maybe people thought he was dead (Maybe a small part of Peter wishes that that was true- (Peter had been working on that whole _suicidal ideation_ thing (He was getting there))))). Holding onto his backpack straps tighter he felt like it was his first day all over again, going somewhere new, everything an unfamiliar experience. Peter felt lighter and heavier and altogether more confused since he had his break. He had gotten so used to the way that he had felt at school that now that he unloaded all his stress and anger (and fear (and disappointment (and depression))) he just wasn’t sure what to load his gaping chasm of emotion with.

 

He breathed out and lowered his head.

 

His first period starts in a couple minutes. He should really get going. AP Chem. His favourite.

 

Running through his head as he took the first couple steps (up the stairs, to the left, third along 3312…), AP Chem, Maths, Double English lit., Study, mustn’t forget Decathlon at 3 and- Peter’s hands worked of their own accord- Essay due in second, question paper due in fourth, don’t forget to email- grabbing his books Peter wondered how much work he had missed (how much was he going to have to catch up on (how much time patrolling was he going to have to forgo (how much of a failure was- He stopped his thought there))). What did his teachers know? He couldn’t remember if May had said if she had told the school the whole situation or just that he was ill- His mind was running through the answers to the Chem paper: Carbon, HydroChloride, Helium, Beryllium, Oxygen, Hydrogen-

 

Peter’s spider senses screamed at him to stop so loudly that he couldn’t stop himself from stopping just before colliding with Flash as he turned the corner (which usually he would hate (its suspicious from him, clumsy Peter Parker (but Peter’s hands are so full with books that he would hate to drop them all now))). The smirk on Flash’s face was obvious as was his intent as he stops him,

 

“Ah, there you are, Penis. Think you’re better than us, huh? Taking a long break like that, what would a loser like you even be doing for so long?”

 

Peter’s arms shake. Not because his books are heavy but because he’s trying to hold himself back from punching Flash (Peter’s convincing himself that it’s not because of Jake stood to his left (that the bandages under his sleeves aren’t pulling, prickling, tempting- Shut up Peter))).

 

“I don’t know what you’ve been doing to your little _girlfriend_ or what dicks you had to suck to keep your spot on Decathlon but everyone knows that I’m better than you and now that you’re back I’ll be able to finally show everyone who really deserves to be on the team,”

 

Peter goes to push past Flash but he’s not fast enough. Somewhere in the back of his head starts to shriek as Flash grabs his forearm, turning him around to face him. Thankfully not knocking his books out of his grip but enough that his sleeve rides down.

 

Peter’s expression doesn’t change one inch.

 

“Hey, where are you going, Penis, I’m not done talking to you,”

 

Flash’s finger grazes the distinct fabric. The raise and ridges of the clinical bandage. It’s not that the wounds haven’t healed but the scar aches and Peter’s not ready to look at them all the time (somewhere in Peter’s heart aches (for Travis (for Ben (For himself)))) so he keeps them covered for the moment. Flash doesn’t appear to notice or change but he does withdraw his hand, his eyes going dark (angry? Concerned? (Flash has always been easy to read except when it’s deep)) meeting Peter’s. Flash looks him up and down and sneers but it’s different (not as cutting) distracted)) as he pushes past Peter and goes into the Chem lab (barely touching him (Maybe it’s for show (why would he change now?))).

 

Brushing himself off, Peter collects himself and follows Flash into the room and takes his seat. Peter doesn’t share a lesson with Ned until third period and Peter ruefully regrets this fact as the seat next to him is empty. Better empty any day than some random kid that’ll just ignore him but Peter kinda wishes he had someone to talk to, even if it is just sharing answers to the surprise pop-quiz that appears to be their set task of the day.

 

The rest of chem passes in a blur of words and answers and symbols and letters and the rest of the following periods follow suit- 3x+5x2=x+3 solve for X- flowing in a disjointed river of teachers and students and classrooms and textbooks- Ae fond kiss and then we sever ae fairweel and then forever, Robert burns 1791, written for- right up until lunch where Peter found himself sat at his usual table, Ned to his left, MJ in front. The two were having a quiet conversation about the logistics of something or other in whatever book MJ had picked up last and forced Ned to read too.

 

Peter would join in but his head was so full of _things_ that he could barely concentrate on the words that they were speaking let alone whether Silvia should have been able to collect all of the crystals or whether it was just a heavy handed metaphor for- Peter coughed, wiped his hands on his jeans (pretending that they weren’t at all sweaty) and stood up.

 

Both sets of eyes turned on him.

 

“Peter, you alright?” MJ asks.

 

“Yeah, dude. You’re looking a bit pale,” Ned continues, then lowering his head, his hand twitching as if to reach out, his voice softer, “Do you need to go? I’ll go with you if you want, I-” Peter just cuts him off, waving his hand to try to distract them,

 

“No, no, I’m just gonna- Just gonna go to the toilet, be back in a sec” Peter rubs his arm up and down the bandage, trying to play it off natural but MJ just squints her eyes at him. He takes his hand off his arm, shoving them both in his pockets and slightly shakes his head at her. She doesn’t seem to drop it but her eyes do seem a little less piercing. Ned just seems to slump down a little in his seat and breathes a smile and just nods as well,

 

“Okay,” He seems to want to say more, he seems worried but, well, he shouldn’t be, he’s just going to the bathroom (Peter hates the way that he makes everyone on edge these days (he’s not worth worrying over (he’s not worth- (shut up shut up shut up-))).

 

Peter clenched his hands in his pockets as he shoulders the bathroom door open.

 

Empty.

 

Peter walks over to the mirrors. Turns a sink on. Looks at himself.

 

His face is generally back to normal, he put some weight back on, regained most of his colours.

 

There only seems to be an underlying darkness somewhere behind his eyes.

 

He splashes his face, leaning over the sink as he breathes.

 

He relishes in the silence compared to the chaos of the school.

 

Peter pushes himself up, once again looking in the mirror. His gaze slips down to his wrists. He brings them up, parallel to the floor and considers the previous two weeks.

 

He chews his bottom lip and with shaking hands he begins to unwrap his right arm- only across the street- he’s slow and gentle, his uncovered skin growing cold as he loses all his layers- only a few hours earlier- he can see the indents in his skin where the bandage had been tight, the healing scar tissue puckering in the cold- if I had been there I could have stopped it- Peter’s not sure if he can look at it but he has to, he has to- if he hadn’t been so useless he could have saved him- he has to, he has to, he has to look at them- if he wasn’t such as failure maybe he would have been the one to pay the price- he has to look, he has to look for- for- for- for Travis- he-

 

He shoves his sleeve down just as the door opens, the bandage slipping off and landing in a pile at his foot. Peter’s pretending like it’s not there, like he’s not there as someone walks in.

 

Peter’s back’s to the door. Maybe if he stays still enough they’ll leave him alone. Peter’s praying that whoever it is saw nothing- sees nothing.

 

It’s just Parker luck that it’s Flash.

 

“Parker?”

 

Peter’s shoulders twitch.

 

“What do you want, Flash?”

 

Peter’s fingers clench.

 

“Parker, I-”

 

Peter’s eyebrow furrows.

 

“What do you want, Flash?”

 

Peter repeats himself. Places emphasis on every word.

 

Maybe if he sounds standoffish then he might be able to hide the fear (the vulnerability (the pain)).

 

“Parker-”

 

Peter turns around.

 

Flash is just stood there. Door shut neatly behind him. They’re shut in together. No one else is here.

 

Flash’s eyes dart from Peter’s face to the floor and back up again. He looks down. Peter keeps looking at Flash, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

Nothing happens.

 

Flash opens and closes his mouth a couple times. Peter stands still and so does he.

 

The fear keeps coiling and coiling in Peter’s stomach.

 

(something bad is going to happen (Peter knows it (it always does))).

 

The seconds tick on in stalemate.

 

Peter’s eyebrow twitches.

 

“What the fuck do you want from me, Flash?”

 

Peter’s chest deflated and surprisingly so does Flash’s.

 

He shakes his head.

 

“Fuck, I’m- Peni- Pete- Parker” He stumbled for a second over his words and then settles for “Parker,”.

 

Peter keeps looking at him.

 

“What happened?” Flash blurts out, Peter just stares at him.

 

“I mean- something happened, you were gone for weeks. After you left that class you basically just dropped off the face of the earth and now you’re back and something definitely happened,”

 

Peter can’t do much else and just stand there as he rambles on,

 

“What’s it to you?”

 

Peter doesn’t understand. His body is still in fight or flight mode. Still waiting for something bad to happen.

 

“I saw the bandages,” He blurts. Pauses, reconsiders and continues, “On your wrist I mean,”

 

Peter tilts his head,

 

“So, uh, yeah. What’s that about?”

 

“Flash, why are you in here?” Peter’s had enough.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I mean, why are you in here asking me? So you can make fun of me in front of your friends. Tell them how weak _Penis_ Parker is? Is that it? I don’t have to tell you anything, I don’t need to tell you what happened and why I left. Does it matter what I say anyway? You’ll just tell them anything you want to and they’ll believe it, laugh about how I couldn’t handle anything, how I did it for attention. I don’t give a shit about what you do anymore, Flash. I’ve had enough of you and your friends pushing me around like I’m nothing. So, yeah, something did happen. Something _bad_ happened but I’m not gonna tell you shit because that’s my shit to deal with. Not yours.”

 

Deep breath. Peter breathed in and then out. Chest heaving. Hand balled at his side.

 

He waited for the response. The sneer. The remark. The laugh.

 

“Parker. Shit- Peter, man, I’m- I’m sorry,”

 

Sympathy.

 

That’s not what Peter expected.

 

“What?”

 

Peter’s lost for words.

 

His hackles are still up. He still expects a fight. But- there isn’t one.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through. I didn’t- I guess I didn’t realise or didn’t care but I guess I should have,” His eyes flick down and then back up again, “I know this won’t mean anything to you now after everything I’ve done, but,” He debates for second, “Truce,”

 

He holds his hand out.

 

Peter looks at his hand. He looks at Flash. There doesn’t seem to be any trace of malice in his face. It doesn’t look like a joke.

 

His spider senses don’t scream at him as he takes Flash’s hand and shakes it.

 

Peter notices as his sleeve rides up exposing the red line snaking down his wrist. Flash notices as well. His mouth thinning slightly, his brows crunching. He squeezes his hand. Not to hurt but in sympathy.

 

The shake was brief and they part as quickly as they started.

 

They stand opposite each other.

 

A moment more of silence and then they nod.

 

Flash meets his eye one last time and turns and leaves, leaving Peter alone once more in the bathroom.

 

Peter deflates.

 

Huffs a smile.

 

Picks up the bandage on the floor. Catches a glimpse of his scar.

 

Peter leaves a second after. He takes his seat next to Ned as he brings up a point about the intricacies of the color coding and how it basically holds the plot together. Peter smiles a little. The corner of his eye crinkling.

 

Ned looks at him. Smiles back. Nods his head.

 

MJ lightly taps his foot with hers. Relaxes her face a little.

 

Peter bobs his head. Content.

 

Peter thinks, maybe things wouldn’t be the way they were again.

 

But maybe that’s a good thing after all.

  
  



End file.
